(TMZ)
Kendall Jenner and Jacob Elordi were photographed together on a beach in Hawaii, appearing to be on an intimate date. TMZ obtained the photos and reported on the outing.
Two of the most genetically gifted humans alive walked onto a beach in Hawaii together and somehow this requires a news article.
I’m not mad at it. I’m just noting that Kendall Jenner and Jacob Elordi on a beach is the least surprising sequence of words I’ve read this month. Put the two tallest, most symmetrical people in any room together long enough and eventually someone’s booking a flight to Maui. That’s not gossip. That’s physics.
What I love is the word “intimate.” Intimate beach date. As if there’s another kind. You don’t fly to Hawaii with someone you’re lukewarm about. Nobody’s doing a polite, arm’s length beach hang in Maui. You don’t split a taxi to the North Shore over mild interest.
Alas, here we are. TMZ dispatched a photographer to crouch behind something and document two people doing exactly what two people in their situation would obviously do. And I clicked it. You clicked it. The system works perfectly and we are all deeply compromised.
Jacob Elordi is 6’5″ and Kendall Jenner is 5’10” and somewhere on a beach in Hawaii they are just standing there being that, completely unbothered, while the rest of us are at our desks.
Not even close to the most shocking thing TMZ has ever run. Still read the whole thing.
