Catalina Island Is a Gas Station for Aliens

By Scott Willson · 2026-10-23

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The latest batch of declassified UFO files, released Friday under President Trump’s order to make the government’s UAP records public, includes reports of sightings over Catalina Island from 1949 and 1952. That puts the island among the sites of the country’s earliest “flying saucer” reports, according to Axios. One Air Force report on a Catalina sighting wrote it off as “possibly astronomical” because the sighting was so brief. The records draw no conclusions about alien life.

Alien declassification has become the worst news break in all of news. Every few weeks the government drops another stack of typewriter pages and blurry dots in the sky, and we’re all supposed to act excited. If there isn’t a little green or gray alien with big eyes waving at me in the photos, I don’t wanna see it anymore. I mean look at these fucking documents they released, handwritten war stories. Gimme a break, I can’t even read the handwriting.

I wanna see a flying saucer with a big melon head behind the wheel, or I wanna see nothing at all.

I’ve been to Catalina, and you know what, now that I think about it, that island is basically a helicopter pad in the Pacific Ocean for UAPs. I went there to snorkel with sea lions and hopefully not get eaten by a white shark. Aliens go there to refuel on their way back to the cosmos, or to their underwater ocean base.

By the way, I’m not into ocean aliens, I’m only into intergalactic aliens. Does that make me an Alienist?

You know Catalina is home to buffalo? How the fuck did buffalo get onto an island? One word. ALIENS.