Gavin Newsom recently compared himself to Patrick Bateman from American Psycho, which is an insult to Bateman and everything he stands for. Bateman at least has style, a sense of music, dark charisma, and the kind of twisted charm that makes him a memorable antihero.
Newsom has none of that. Watching him speak is like staring at a Chuckie Cheese animatronic that starts lecturing you about policy. There is no edge, no menace, no entertainment, just the polished, overcooked political performance of someone who thinks a tight haircut and a crooked smile can replace actual presence.
If Bateman is a cinematic psychopath you cannot look away from, Newsom is something far worse, a lizard in a human skin suit. The frozen grin, the reptilian timing of his blinks, the way he somehow makes the air feel heavy and sticky, all of it screams someone who is more creature than man. He presided over mass wildfires without meaningful accountability, oversaw housing policies that made homelessness worse, spent billions on projects that mostly benefited tech elites while ordinary Californians struggled, and famously mandated masks during COVID while refusing to wear one himself.
The only thing he’s truly earned is the nickname Newscum, a perfect blend of derision and accuracy, a reminder that underneath the slick hair and polished smile lies a creature so hollow and self-absorbed that the name fits like a custom-tailored suit.
