What Even Counts as a Drink?

By Scott Willson · 2026-10-09

Complex posted that a study by the Oregon Social Learning Center found many men increase their alcohol consumption throughout their 30s, with friends playing a major role in how much they drink. The research followed about 200 men for two decades and found the heavier drinkers went from roughly 13 drinks a week at age 29 to 18 a week by 37. Men who cut back in their 20s were more likely to keep those habits later in life.

Every time one of these studies drops I have the same question, which is what the hell is a drink? Apparently the average guy in his 30s is putting down 18 a week, but nobody ever says if that means a light beer, a glass of wine, a tequila soda, a Moscow mule or a martini that's basically two shots in a tuxedo. For Tommy Lee in the 80s, one drink was an entire bottle of Jack Daniel's.

My drink is a glass filled 90 percent of the way with vodka and a splash of soda water. The government says a standard drink is a shot and a half of liquor, so that glass is about seven drinks, and I am counting it as one every single time.

The study also blames our friends, which is the nicest thing science has ever said about me. It's not my fault, it's the boys. So until somebody tells me what a drink actually is, I'm counting one glass as one drink, and by that math I've never had more than four in my life.