Michael Dell Built A Robot Wife

By Scott Willson · 2026-10-07

On October 7, Michael and Susan Dell joined President Trump in the Oval Office to celebrate the automatic enrollment of roughly 70 million children in Trump Accounts. The Dells have pledged about $6.25 billion to put $250 into the accounts of 25 million kids. Susan Dell urged parents and grandparents to claim their children’s accounts and told them to dream big. Clips of her remarks quickly went viral, with commenters fixating on her delivery.

My first computer ever was a Dell, and it was the shit. I played Flight Simulator 94 on that beast, I played Lemmings on it, and it was the first computer I ever watched porn on and got caught immediately. So I’m a Dell guy for life, and I’m not going to sit here and pretend I don’t know what I just watched.

Cause I know with 100% certainty what I just watched, and what I watched was Michael Dell’s AI robot wife do a White House press conference. Watch her. The blinking is on a timer, the smile loads about two seconds after the sentence that called for it, and every time she tells the kids to dream big it sounds like the voice that plays when your printer runs out of ink. Michael, I say this as a loyal customer, pull this prototype off the floor and run a full software update before you let her near another microphone.

And then there’s the guy sitting next to her. I could not take my eyes off Trump’s eyelids the entire time. The man looks like fucking Droopy Doo. I genuinely can’t tell if he has curtains for eyebrows or if he’s actually asleep, and I’m not sure he knows either.

And honestly, good for Michael. My old Dell took four minutes to boot up and sounded like a leaf blower, and now he’s got a model that can stand in the Oval Office and almost pass for a person. That’s a lot of progress since 1994.